One Supersized Order of Personal Power Please…

Personal power is currently downloading in me with t-minus 3 weeks and counting. I have felt it all along but I feel like the status bar is almost at 100% completion of the new program being installed. Let me proclaim early on in the blog that I think I’m quite awesome and great. You may be gasping and wondering…Is it daring to speak with such enthusiastic language about oneself??? I used to think so until this past weekend. I learned what real power is in a fantastic program I took at Kripalu last weekend called “Answering the Modern Mystic’s Call” by Robert Ohotto. It was about co-creating your highest potential while taking into consideration your soul contract, karma and loyalties to shadows (i.e. the insecure, fearful, scary parts of oneself) all while going deeply within to see what really influences you and what holds you back. A juicy bit of insight I learned is that you are only as clear and honest as the work you’ve done on yourself. Work meaning actual inward-diving-into-yourself work, and not haven’t-dealt-with-because-it-hasn’t-come-up-yet “work.” Also, when we choose to judge ourselves or keep things hidden we block our soul from showing itself; we do not provide space for it to appear and provide wisdom. Another great slice of information was about how we manage our own shadows and shames. Essentially, how we handle them is a reflection of how we deal with other peoples’ shames and shadows; meaning the type of partners or groups we’re drawn to, areas/people we’re most forgiving versus most harsh with, and with whom we seek validation from, etc. This means that sometimes we fix ourselves in scenarios that seek to validate our current shadows so they can stay hidden. Has anyone seen my flashlight? I want to leave Kripalu with nothing in my basement thank you very much. I love this stuff; it has had my brain burning for at least the last five days. Most of the program participants were on the grass on a mountain during breaks from the program trying to soak it all in, including me. The depth and intensity of the information was life-shifting and profound for many, including me. I’ve been buzzing since the program ended and would like to share a translation of my exploration on the topics with you. The theme here is being awake. Thanks to my flashlight, I now really see myself clearly.

Organic Divine Power is…
-Knowing that true compassion and love for oneself is accepting any and all emotions as worthy to be known, seen, heard and respected
-Supersizing all potential in yourself. Anything less is a direct value judgment you make about yourself
-A birthright
-Seeing the parts of you that you don’t want to see
-Being vulnerable
-Seeing and embracing, not hiding from
-Claiming your insecurities because ignoring them engenders shame that they even exist. In the claiming, the acceptance and integration is found

No one should be allowed to…
-Tell you your intuition is wrong
-Guilt you into anything
-Shame you for being your unique self, whatever that is
-Depict what truth or valid is for you

True and Pure Service is…
-An emanation of your power for something you were meant to do
-Being a light bearer by holding the vibration of your own light in thought, spirit and action
-Trusting your own intuition
-Giving from your soul with complete detachment from ego and outcome
-About who you are and not what you do

I feel…
-Even more like flying
-Insightful and incredibly in tune with myself
-Empowered
-Supported
-Like I deserve a red cape
-My vibration rising with the sun
-No longer afraid to claim my place
-Like shining a light on the world now that I’m glowing
-Spiritual forces nudging me into greatness
-Powerful

This weekend I had the opportunity to deal with my perfectionism and how that shows up in life. Let me say with as much impact words can possibly convey… what profound and earth-shaking insight came from meditating with THAT all weekend long. Try sitting with a really difficult part of yourself on purpose without excusing it, dismissing it, rationalizing it, hiding it or distracting yourself from it. In the facing, I have come to settle with the idea that while I am bold, outgoing, insightful and full of energy, I dim that light on occasion for others so they can feel worthy. Although in doing this, what I am really proclaiming is that I am shameful for embodying those things, like somehow I shouldn’t be wearing my skin that sparkles. How silly right? I am worthy enough to risk being seen as arrogant so I’m going to push a whole pile of fear about that stuff over the cliff right now and be done with it. In the program, we were asked to list the top 10 things we value about ourselves and as I was doing the exercise I noticed how arrogant I felt. I thought then immediately, these things must be true if I’m judging myself for writing them. Since when did claiming yourself as ‘awesome’ become taboo in our culture? Again, how silly? At some point, unbeknownst to me, I signed myself up to that club. In the past, I would shy away from accolades and meekly receive glory instead of walking around claiming it as stardust comes out of my back. Do I sound arrogant yet? Seriously, imagine what love we’d have for ourselves and others if we really thought we all deserved it (you being the place to start). I think judgment would vanish from the planet. Did I mention how awesome I am? For all of you saying right now that you already love yourself fully just think about who you judge in the world and marinate on the voice of judgment that lives in you. All voices are clueing you into a piece of your own shadow. In an attempt to shove my insecurities into a place of light, I would like to share the list of 10 values I see in me with all of you. From last week’s blog, I continue to realize how exposure means that I am brave enough to claim fame to all that is truth within me.

Here it goes…
1. I am truly well-intended and full of integrity
2. I am creative
3. I’m honest and trustworthy
4. I have charisma and charm
5. I am assertive and bold with expression
6. I am fearless with emotional self-honesty
7. I have intuitive gifts
8. I am compassionate
9. I heal myself and others
10. I change the world

In loving arrogance,
“The Awesome One”

p.s. Marianne Williamson says… “We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. …And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

p.p.s. photos of an unexpected but delightful pick-up from the Kripalu bus one night when I was walking back to the dorm in the blackness….the volunteers who are Journey Dance certified posing after we did a practice teach with the other volunteers…me in the meditation room at Kripalu doing a relaxing hip-opening version of a twist yoga posture…