Beings of light,
“The word "action" frees me - the transformation is something I cannot explain - too much analysis might destroy it” –Sophia Loren. I feel this way about trying to explain my Kripalu experience. It’s better for me to just shape-shift into action right now. The transformation will be seen in the dust and sparkle that lingers from the action like a comet on a dark night. I feel like a star and I am no longer embarrassed to say that. From this whole journey I’ve realized quite simply that “I am.” I am with nothing following the “I am.” Just the “I am” itself depicts the open space of my heart, soul and spirit leaving room for the creation of life to manifest in each and every moment. I feel open, alive, well, in tune, gracious, awake, energized, loved, connected and eternally supported. I feel completely and utterly in love with myself which has opened my eyes to be in love with the world in a whole new way. Moreover, with breath and attention, I see more in every word, glance, leaf, tree and smile. I feel my feet walking slower on earth and notice the grass beneath my toes; it’s alive with energy. This morning I sat outside for my morning meditation and closed my eyes facing the sun. There wasn’t a single cloud in the crystal blue sky and I found eternity and bliss in that moment. My eyes filled with gratitude and it spilled onto my cheek. I felt the wind blow my hair back and could hear the trees rustling. I could’ve stayed there forever, with fresh eyes, because being there forever meant I could also be there with myself; what a wonderful acknowledgement for me. There’s something so comforting about my own company and interaction with the divine in meditation that leaves me held and caressed by all that is greater. In that moment, I realized that I am an extension of all that is greater too, and so are you. "Love is how it feels to recognize our essential unity. Awakening to oneness is the experience of Big Love. Knowing you are one with all, you find yourself in love with all." —Timothy Freke. It seems I can see clearly now that life is often a façade we create drama in to side-step acknowledging ourselves and forming unity with others. Life is not to be found, or chased, sought after or discovered…I have found that life is to be present in this moment right here and right now; to be the “I am” means to be vacant of what’s next. No expectation creates endless opportunities and suddenly, all is possible, I am free.
I have been challenged, broken open and have seen and traced all the threads of myself that are tied to pain and insecurity. I have been forced to see the mirror of myself in my perceptions of the world including what I taint, judge, love and ignore. I love that I could be courageous enough to look behind old shelves with cobwebs and see what’s been hiding. “When tears come, I breathe deeply and rest. I know I am swimming in a hallowed stream where many have gone before. I am not alone…. My heart is at work, my soul is awake” --Mary Margaret Funk. Being my authentic self has meant seeing my authentic self. I love that I was able to feel so unstable at times because the breaking down of the old house meant that solid ground could be exposed for a mansion of dreams. I feel my heart space and my spiritual connection as open as the universe. I am wide-eyed. I no longer define myself as something. I simply see myself as “I am.”
It’s difficult to imagine I’m leaving in a week. One week from today I’ll be on the road. It causes me to think about what I have become. I have become a spiritualist, more powerful and demanding of the destiny that’s meant for me. I have become someone who sees my soul in the mirror and listens to what it says therefore I have also become someone who sees more intimately into the souls of others as well. Certainly, I have become more sensitive and intuitive. I have become more confident and assertive with my abilities and gifts. I have become stronger, healthier and more aligned. I have become conscious, mindful and disciplined. Surprisingly, I have become a supporter and cheerleader of my body. I support it through rest, nutritious foods, meditation, yoga, dance, community and spiritual union. I have become the fullest expression of myself. I have become what I have left room in me to create. There is light, unconditional compassion, forgiveness, acceptance and self-love. I am a result of the asking. “Ask, and it will be given to you; Seek, and you will find; Knock, and it will be opened to you” --Jesus.
In the quiet moments of meditation I have found deep solace and have met the witness in myself. I recognize the confines of my mind and the box that is around it. I have such faith, trust and loyalty in myself and in the divine guidance of my life that I no longer see the value of fighting anything. There is no longer the ego payoff sensation of overwork and accomplishment that I previously used to define my worth. There is no longer the desire to please and be perfect to overcompensate for that which I subconsciously saw as imperfect. There is no longer the push-back of emotion. There is no longer the caring or concern of skeptical words from others. For all of us speak out of projection and I no longer will welcome impressions born from another. There is no longer the victimization of myself for the external “bad luck” and “bad day.” There is no longer the guilt and shame for being whoever I want to be irrespective of what the norm is. There is no longer the labeling of people with judgment seen through a shadow prism of myself. I am whole so I see all as whole. There is no longer the self-minimization of my light. There is no longer the fear that this light is not powerful enough. There is no longer the doubt, the box, the limitation, the pain, the insecurity. There is no longer, there is no longer….“In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness” --Mahatma Gandhi.
I bring myself back to the “I am.” If this had an image it would be me, with wings, a cape, and bright divine light shooting out of my heart and head as I jump off a magnificent cliff, at unspeakable heights, over the ocean, at sunset, with eyes closed and perfect faith in flight.
I am.
Love, light, sun and endless awareness,
Jai Bhagwan!
p.s. Beautiful people who have supported my journey through this blog, I thank you. I honor the place within you in which the entire universe dwells. I honor the place in you which is of love, of truth, of light and of peace. When you are in that place in you, I am in that place in me. We are one. I send endless blessings and gratitude your way. I will be sure to send some photos and a brief blog about the trip home. This, however, is my last official blog in the Berkshires. Next stop, home…
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