“An omen: The Story of the Owl”

And so it is; and so it shall be that my experiences at Kripalu continue to deepen. This has been a curious and delightful meal conversation with fellow volunteers this week as many have asked about “my owl story.” Allow me to elaborate on this by assuming the investigative reporter role….

Series of events commencing the week of 6/21-6/26:
• Tuesday, 6/22 at approximately 7:36am I was walking down from “the hill” where I live and discovered 2 owl feathers laying freshly atop the morning dew perfectly and neatly placed on grass near the side of the road. I scooped them up and carried them with me. I only discovered they were owl feathers after asking a few nature buffs and Kripalu landscape experts. The day continued per usual routine with no other incidences noted.
• Wednesday, 6/23 at approximately 7:22am I was walking down from “the hill” where I live and was talking to Rob rather loudly, flipping and flopping with my shoes and occasionally knocking my water bottle up against my leg making a swooshing sound when I was caught off guard by something out of the corner of my eye. Standing there confidently was a live owl within a few feet of the feathers I found the previous day. I froze mid-step like a thief caught with expensive jewelry and looked around then pointed at my chest asking him telepathically, “you looking at me?” He kept his strong gaze and without flinching he allowed me to throw down my backpack, unzip it and take a few pictures of him before flying away. I walked to breakfast thinking hmmmmmm, maybe he was a hawk or eagle, he looked way to big to be an owl plus it was the morning and owls thrive at night. I’ve never seen a live wild owl before and the more I marinated I thought, maybe it wasn’t an owl at all.
• Wednesday, 6/23 at approximately 9:17am after breakfast and a quick meditation I picked up the animal spirit guide card deck, as I usually do every morning in my new office, and I shuffled the 50 cards. My practice is to close my eyes and ask for guidance for the day while blindly pulling a card from the middle of deck. Do you know where this is going yet? For those less intuitive, I pulled the owl card, the only one of the 50 cards. That’s when I said aloud in the office, “well I guess it was an owl I saw this morning.” I also showed off the glamour shot I took of him with a few others who confirmed this to be an actual owl sighting.
• Thursday, 6/24 went on as usual, or so I thought (cue exciting mystery music). I went to yoga dance, inward diving pranayama class and practiced a little yoga and hip flexibility. This week I’m showing you a variation of the sukhasana yoga pose which I did on this day. Other routine activities included checking and opening some emails but not all, reading excerpts from the many books I have stacked up in my room and going to bed early; I slept restless.
• Friday, 6/25 at approximately 9:05am I opened my emails at work to see one from a fellow volunteer who forwarded me a reading from the “Daily OM” spiritual website that delivers electronic messages everyday. Coincidentally I too am subscribed to these emails but I don’t always open them everyday. Sometimes I read three in one day or catch up on weekends for the week. When I opened the forwarded email and began reading I noticed the message was relating wisdom and vision with the owl. I immediately went back and scanned through my inbox and realized I also received this email on Thursday 6/24 but didn’t open it that day. So, the loud and demanding universe had to rope-in another volunteer to re-send me the email I already had sitting in my inbox unread. After interviewing the volunteer in question she alleged that she sent it to me because she saw me wearing an owl necklace a while back and thought I would like the spiritual message. Disclaimer: no volunteers were harmed by the universe while being used to relay spiritual omens to me.
• Friday, 6/25 at approximately 10:37am I needed to walk around the building a bit and wrap my head around this whole owl conspiracy. I spent the morning up to this point researching the spiritual nature of owls and what they symbolized. I read a lot of stuff about wisdom and ‘owl medicine’ which apparently represents the ability to see into the souls of others for healing. Since this was really heavy stuff and I don’t resemble the Buddha in any way, I left my desk and ventured down the hall. I usually like going down to the gift shop and sniffing the cookies and then admiring the amethyst crystals. My route also includes swinging by the mailroom to see if I’ve received any love from home. As I did this, I noticed a sign on my cubby that I had a package. “Oh how exciting” I thought, a package of loveliness to take my mind away from the spiritual oddities of Kripalu. I learned it was from a dear friend I’ve been pen-palling with since October (shout-out to Bold Katie). Katie and I mail each other letters and fun creative stuff. It’s worthy to note I met Katie at Kripalu in the SARK program last year. Anyway, I skipped back to my office with the box and opened it like a kid on Christmas. As soon as I pulled over the first flap I said out loud and with a gasp “oh uh.” Could this really, really be? Oh indeed, an entire box of owl gear including hand-made note cards with owl stamps, pictures of owls on crayons and an owl t-shirt to boot. SARK called me “Wise Candice” so I suppose that’s why Katie sent me the owl paraphernalia; of course she had no way of knowing about the sightings I’d had this week. Foot note: To prove such an unbelievable series of events I have taken photo documentation as evidence attached to this blog. Also, let me state for the record, and those who know me can verify, I have not gravitated towards, talked about, saw or manifested owls ever before so all of this popping-up of owl stuff is new to me.
• Saturday, 6/26 at approximately 6:30am when my alarm went off I sat up with intention to fully embrace the animal totem of the owl. After continued, consistent and undeniable communication from the spirit world I would surrender to what the owl represents: true wisdom, vision through darkness, shamanism, mysticism, intuitive gifts, power and flight. I wore my new owl shirt and owl necklace all day on this full moon night. I walked around with my head a little higher and attempted to own those words above. I even walked home in the dark by myself with medium confidence. Perhaps I was second-guessing my divinity, perhaps I was not seeing what I know I can see in others, perhaps I needed support to believe in my intangible gifts, perhaps it’s time to step into my power (as my friends Jenn and Indi at Kripalu have told me this week). And so, even if I don’t know what that is just yet because it’s still developing, and even though I’m unsure of where this will take me, I will own and believe in the power of my intuition and inherent wisdom. I’m also a little afraid that I may have to deal with a swooping or pecking owl my next trip down to the main building if I look the other way. Remembering the nose bleed once again, I submit to the powers and omens greater than myself. I see you divine owl and I have faith.

What a wonderful spiritual experience right? I couldn’t make that up if I tried, nor could I orchestrate it to turn out that way if I wanted. My friends, may you see the signs and omens in your own lives and may you be aware of them with every breath. They are there just waiting for you to recognize them. Listen to them and believe in them; especially the loud ones. Perhaps you can challenge yourselves to take an inventory for the week of every coincidence paying special attention to repetition; may you possess the courage to see, the insight to recognize and the power to act.

Jai Bhagwan
Peace, peace, peace

Summer Solstice Week, I’d Rather Be Outside…

The sun shines like an endless heat lamp; sharing love and energy with the world. The powers of the sun combined with the loving and giving vibe of the trees make this week’s blog hard to nail down. I’d much rather be doing other things at Kripalu then sitting in front of my computer, but this could be progress for me. I’ve listed below all of the things I’m daydreaming of that I did this week. So as you read them, imagine me there.

I have found solace in an old tree which I learned is one of three that exist in North America--a Scottish Elm. I describe her as a “she” because that’s the vibe I get. People around here call her “the grandmother” and she is over 150 years old. Her branches twist and turn and wind tightly together forming an umbrella of protection for the people beneath her. From the outside, the leaves look like a fort or wall not giving away the secret of the strength in the branches. I sat under her a while but found it nice to admire her from afar too.

I have begun to go running outside which is quite a feat since the hills are steep and the altitude is weird. It felt great to run today though, being the longest day of the year, with the sun shining in my face and all. I feel like when the sun blinds with brightness it's like a relative who pinches your cheeks; you wince, but you secretly like it. Truly, a Jai Bhagwan moment friends.

I’d also rather be in the woods on a trail that leads to a fancy creek. We went there for our weekly volunteer study group on karma yoga. We were led by a volunteer coordinator with sage burning from the front so the smoke trickled back as we walked in a line and in silence. We sat amongst a circle of hemlock trees as high as the sky. Running water ran next to us and it was magical. I snuck down there to splash fresh water on my face, I can still feel the crispness.

There’s this beautiful meditation spot with Ganesha and various other amulets and offerings tucked away in the forest. I sat there on a day where the universe really, REALLY, wanted me to slow down. The universe is quite witty and cunning in that it went out of its way to cancel longstanding weekly events, leave me with poems and pepper in quotes and people to remind me to simply do nothing. I read this daily meditation by Osho, randomly of course, that emphasized the absolute divinity in doing nothing; how blasphemous? It said that the ego is fixated on doing because the mind can be busy and sent away from diving inward. It expanded this notion by describing how doing nothing requires courage to see the true self. While I fought this philosophy, I yielded to the signs from the universe to be inactive. I was clearly humbled after my nose bleed a few weeks ago so I dare not play with spiritual signs any longer. I paused at the alter in the woods and meditated for a while. I also thought it was a good place to thrown down a warrior yoga pose as a way to surrender to the moment and the stillness.

I’d also like to be engrossed in the mystical rather than indoors in a boxed room. I’ve gone to a few workshops over the past week on energy work and that has generated excitement in me. I have done some creative meditations that combine movement and expressive arts for healing. I had a lengthy and sassy conversation with my headaches through drawing, writing and meditating and learned that I am giving them to myself, who knew? (cue gasp and sarcasm). I stayed later in another workshop to ask about honing abilities and was told that I am already able to "channel" and do “automatic writing” using goddess and angel energies for healing purposes (you can google both quoted phrases to learn more). The speaker giving me this info is a wise woman who has studied energy work for over 20 years and is a master teacher at Kripalu. This news does resonate with me since much of what I do with clients feels a lot like it’s coming from the divine, instead of me. It also gives me permission to wear more scarves. I believe that scarves are worn by goddesses and hippie-magical beings so now I consider myself cool enough to stand near that genre. I’m not in the club just yet, but I’m outside waiting in line to get in.

A few other things I’d rather be doing…..
-dancing and sweating to live drumming
-eating smashed yams with crushed almonds and butter
-buying foreign jewelry in a store called “Inspired Planet” which is run by a mysterious worldly man with lots of mixed energy
-tanning at the lake
-finger painting
-wearing a heavy backpack; I had a weird but obvious revelation this week that my backpack is not about materialism and attachment but about grounding….that’s why I like it so much and that’s why I put so many books in there… to make it weighted of course. Gosh darn, my subconscious is so much smarter than my conscious mind!!!!! I feel safe, warm, fuzzy and anchored to mother earth. I knew there was cleverness in me somewhere.
-drinking tea; preferably peppermint, ginger, chai, or the relaxing blend
-journaling.

May the sun shine brightly today and always,
Love, light and peace friends,

Searching for chocolate and finding so much more...

Loved ones,

I sit writing this in a magical chocolate kingdom called “Chocolate Springs” in Lenox, MA. One of the other volunteers told me about it. It has fluffy leather couches, chocolate from wall to wall, handmade treats, gourmet goodies and real chocolate makers in house making it all for public viewing. Please enjoy the picture of my divine experience; “the dark chocolate cupcake with thick butter cream frosting and chocolate crunches” and “the serious hot chocolate” I figured if I was going to go, I would go all the way. Can’t you just taste it? I came searching for chocolate. I am here finding serenity, finding peace and finding comfort in so much more.

The searching has commenced more deeply this week in terms of trying to figure out what to zone in on. I have bought over 12 books since I’ve been here and I carry a variety of them in my backpack everyday down to the main building in case I want to read them. I usually carry 4 and randomly switch different ones in and out depending on my mood for the day. At this very moment I have the following in my bag: “Healing with Colors,” “Healing Touch,” “Psychic Pathways,” and “The Faeries Oracle.” Last week I was carrying around “The body speaks the mind.” I am emanating the energy of being as open as I can to receive from all parts of me. I suppose I get impatient in the not knowing exactly what I can exploit in myself. For example, should I zone in on healing touch, learn Reiki, focus on chakra’s, engross myself in energy work or just pay attention to intuition…... oye vey, my head spins. I am in such a place of surrender though that however the chips fall I tend to accept with more fluidity than I have ever before. The Native American program got cancelled that I was planning on doing next week and I wasn’t able to sign up for the other energy work program I was thinking of so I did my human emotion thing in being disappointed and then I let it fly away like a kite without a person holding it down and just let it be. So I've actively been searching with my mind and my heart to see what answers me and actually now that I think about it, there are some obvious directions to go in. If I sit quietly and tune into where the magnet of my heart goes, I do recognize a clear signal. Calling me in way that doesn’t involve my mind, I had no choice in wanting to do yoga dance; it grabbed me in the darkness of night like a kidnapping. It pulls me and I love it. The dancing isn’t a choreographed casual two-step; it’s a journey for healing the body, emotions, the chakra’s and releasing toxic stuff as well as dancing your story with your body. It’s such a state of vulnerability. Within the first ten minutes, my eyes close and I don’t even think, I just do. There’s also a whole body of research on movement as a therapeutic modality; I feel the powers……. I suppose the discovery and the finding that I am searching for is indeed occurring. It rarely happens as we expect though.

Someone in my new office shared this quote with me this week; it’s relevant to my experience:
“Love is patient and everything else is impatient. If there is no patience, there is no love. Passion is impatient, love is patient. And once you understand that to be patient is to be loving, and to be patient is to be in prayer, then everything is understood. One has to wait, and one has to learn how to wait. There are things that cannot be done; they only happen. There are things that can be done, but those things belong to the world. Things which cannot be done belong to God, or belong to the other world, or howsoever you name it. But things that cannot be done - only they are the real things. They always happen to you; you become a receiving end - and that is the meaning of surrender.” Osho


In the searching I think it’s important to put out the asking. If you don’t ask then how can you expect to find? So everyday I set an intention of being as open as I can….. truly, everyday I ask through prayer and by journaling and send it out into the universe like a message in a bottle. I’ve often asserted that my clothes and their colors represented what I need or what supports me so I wondered if there was any correlation with that and my aura. Those who know me know that I wear red shoes, a purple shirt or a yellow scarf depending on my vibe. If you don’t know, an aura is the energetic field that surrounds the body. The bigger, the higher the vibration is and the different colors have specific meanings. Today I randomly decided to get an aura picture (they have them at Kripalu). Coincidentally (if you believe in coincidences that is), I wore a yellow shirt today. See the picture above of my aura. They do a consultation with you after and the lady told me my vibration is so large it covers my whole body and you can barely see me in the picture. She said the tiny bit of green at the bottom represented the love that comes from my core which grounds me and determines my actions. Yellow is supposed to represent mental awakening, confidence, clarity and openness. The little bit of orange in there is social connection, creativity, joy and altruism. Apparently, most people have different colors around their heads which represent past, present, future but I was almost all yellow, meaning what I receive, what I give out, what I’m living in and what lies in my future are all congruent. I like that. Congruency is good. It’s about time.

In search of not missing out on anything I attempt to notice things, especially when the week is winding down because I begin to reflect on what I learned and what was beautiful in order to retell for the blog. So the blog has been a nice way to stay connected to purpose and intention. I appreciate everyone reading it. FYI, due to recent requests from friends for more pictures of me and less pictures of bear poop (Belinda), I’ve decided to include a picture a week of me in a yoga pose from now on. This week is “the dancer”….so relevant. Also, a shout-out for Broward House is in order. I intentionally wore my Broward House shirt this week to show my love to all the staff and compassionate souls inspiring hope and all the inherently beautiful and courageous clients making change happen everyday. I send endless vibrations of love that ripple out to you all.

Something inspiring: One of the kayak guides cancelled late last minute for the evening kayak trip this week and since my new job involves all guest workshop activities and duties my boss asked me if I wanted to go on a sunset kayak trip as a sweep. (I just kayak after the last person). Since I’m CPR certified from Broward House (thanks admin.) I am eligible to go. It was 65, overcast, foggy and drizzling. I never imagined how beautiful it could be. The lake swallows you. It was still, silence was broken only by birds, the forest spilled over into the water, not a single soul was on the lake but us and the rain fell on me lightly like a gentle meditation. Each stroke felt like a move in a better direction. It was intentional and smooth; a blessing indeed.

Something cool: I taught Salsa to the volunteers this week on “the flow” (my name is on the schedule to do it again) and I also led a past life meditation using Brian Weiss’s tapes and 25 volunteers came. I did an intention setting before and a process-type group after. I received great feedback from people so I will do it every other Tuesday night. I’m also excited to take the “Past Life Transformation” program with Rob when he comes to visit me in July. We will spend a long weekend delving into spiritual realms together. Yay!

Something interesting: The beautiful Asian women both on the summer catalog and on the website for Kripalu is one of my favorite yoga dance teachers here. I attend her classes almost weekly. On www.kripalu.org she is the face smiling at you; her name is Jovina. I feel very cool because she knows my name and says hi to me when I pass her in the hallway. I wonder if I have the courage to ask her to autograph the catalog?……

Thank you for supporting me and sending me loving emails, voicemails and cards. I will continue my search and be delighted in the surrender of the finding. May you do so as well………and so it shall be.

Endless sun, Jai Bhagwan

I live in a beautiful bubble...

Delightful friends and family-

Another eventful week goes down in my Kripalu history book. I have started to realize that I live in a bubble. It’s officially been one month here and I am fully entrenched in the Kripalu experience. I am in a spiritual bubble of sorts. I haven’t watched television in a month, I have done yoga or yoga dance almost everyday, I bow my head and give thanks silently before every meal, I journal what I notice happening in me and I have started meditating every morning for at least 5 minutes…..Who am I?............ I think I am growing into a truer version of myself and embracing my potential.

I continue to express my willingness to the experience and open my heart with an unwavering trust. The highlights from this week are many; I feel like I say that every week though. However, the things that jump out to me are the following: the bonfire and late night drumming in the woods….amazing! (Jon I was channeling you) One of the volunteers planned it; great idea right? There is a picture of some of us when we got started at sunset but we played into the darkness that night. I was the cowbell girl for a while but eventually I danced around the fire hopping and twirling. We also sang Sanskrit mantras together and read poems. The other volunteers here are so heightened and I feel like I’m with people who bring out the best in me.

Another great experience was the “Pranayama Inward Diving class.” I’m learning that yoga is so much more than just postures; it’s a philosophy of how to live life. You can google the “8 limbs of yoga” if you want to learn more about this. Anyway, pranayama is a breathing practice (ranging from slow to fast to various techniques). The purpose is to generate life force energy in the body, increase self-awareness, intuition, spiritual connection and mindfulness. I had never done this fancy type of breathing before so I went to check it out. One of the volunteer mentors teaches a version of it where you sit blindfolded and conduct the breathing to music for an hour. This method completely takes the mind out of the mix and forces you to go within yourself; hence the title “inward diving.” In short, I took my blindfold off after the hour and I was truly ungrounded, blissed-out and out of my body for sure….. does that makes sense? I felt like I was looking at people through a funny mirror, as I walked I felt like I was floating around places and I got the feeling I should not operate a motor vehicle anytime soon. I learned only after that people who are intuitive, imaginative and already connected should be careful in settling themselves after doing pranayama because it can take you to the next level with all those things. Also, the breathing techniques actually alter your brain chemicals. Remember the water fountain in a lake analogy I gave of myself last week? Well this was like Disney plus Vegas-style water spouting out of the lake; with a light show and music to boot. I was given some tips on grounding myself to pull the energy back in which included standing meditations, eating heavy foods and going outside in the sun. I decided to eat chocolate and lay in a grassy knoll while asking mother earth to bring me back (I actually did that). It took a good 2 hours to feel myself again. Perhaps I discovered some cool, weird potential brewing in me by doing pranayama. Maybe I could really tap into some great stuff if I pursue it. I did feel spacey but I certainly felt aware, mindful, connected and very, very in tune. So, I plan on going to pranayama inward diving class weekly to see what happens. It’s like a mystery folks, and it's unfolding before my very eyes. Now that I know what to expect and how to settle myself after, I look forward to visiting that spiritual and conscious place in myself again.

I also really enjoyed attending the concert of a very popular Kirtan artist (Kirtan is a form of singing where you chant mantras about peace, love and divinity in Sanskrit) The artist was Snatam Kaur. She is all over the internet and itunes and her voice is of the angels. The guests and community members came and the concert was sold out so the volunteers could not go but were allowed to sit outside the doors to listen. I heard from a birdy that the 4th floor rafters were unlocked so I slithered up there and sat on old mattresses amongst plywood feeling like I had gotten away with something illegal; I am dangerous! I was able to get a perfect view of the show. The picture I took shows some of the magic of that night. There were only 3 people playing music but it felt like an orchestra and it was a packed house of people singing along too; really special indeed. I love her song “Servant of Peace.” Please look it up, it’s divine!

In other news I walked around with my head phones on enjoying a sunny day, shoes off in this great field and stopped to admire an ancient, rare tree. After, I also spun around in circles until I fell down and got too dizzy and just stayed there not caring what bugs, twigs or dirt were on me. My last night in dish crew granted me the experience of meeting a really grateful, sincere paid staff member who does the dishes named Bob. He's an older man, with interesting side burns and wears penny loafers. He thanked me for helping him put away pots and I stopped and noticed the genuineness in him. I was so inspired by him and how he finds meaning and joy in the same job, same task, everyday that I wrote a poem about him this week. I may do a mid-week blog entry of the poem and share it with you folks. This week I also went on a hike for my first week at my new job. I learned that if they can’t find enough faculty to go on the guided hikes, they send me. Yipeee! So I got to go with the guests on a hike to an old pond in the woods. I felt very official as I was seen as “staff.” My new job is a blessing. I create schedules for daily workshops the guests take as well as all other duties assigned relating to that. For example, I think I’m supposed to smash old bike helmets next week; I’ll keep you posted on that. I also ventured out this week and took a trip with the volunteers to get ice-cream from a local place. I mixed mint chocolate and coffee flavors in a cone; fantastic. I got a pedicure somewhere and I found that even outside of Kripalu the bubble follows me because there were the most inspirational quotes all over the salon. I took a picture of one for you to enjoy.

This week is like more beginnings and more endings for me because so many interesting things happened and I’m learning about change and evolution and trust with every experience, every step I take and everywhere I look. I am so sensitive to the bubble I’m in and loving it. Thank you for supporting and loving me while I’m loving this. There is also a picture of me and more artwork I did. This one I call “reflections.” I like to think that what I emanate and intend will mirror back to me. Believing in that, I keep standing at the edge of what could be and saying “yes.”

More to come,
Jai Bhagwan

Om Shanti...peace, peace, peace