Searching for chocolate and finding so much more...

Loved ones,

I sit writing this in a magical chocolate kingdom called “Chocolate Springs” in Lenox, MA. One of the other volunteers told me about it. It has fluffy leather couches, chocolate from wall to wall, handmade treats, gourmet goodies and real chocolate makers in house making it all for public viewing. Please enjoy the picture of my divine experience; “the dark chocolate cupcake with thick butter cream frosting and chocolate crunches” and “the serious hot chocolate” I figured if I was going to go, I would go all the way. Can’t you just taste it? I came searching for chocolate. I am here finding serenity, finding peace and finding comfort in so much more.

The searching has commenced more deeply this week in terms of trying to figure out what to zone in on. I have bought over 12 books since I’ve been here and I carry a variety of them in my backpack everyday down to the main building in case I want to read them. I usually carry 4 and randomly switch different ones in and out depending on my mood for the day. At this very moment I have the following in my bag: “Healing with Colors,” “Healing Touch,” “Psychic Pathways,” and “The Faeries Oracle.” Last week I was carrying around “The body speaks the mind.” I am emanating the energy of being as open as I can to receive from all parts of me. I suppose I get impatient in the not knowing exactly what I can exploit in myself. For example, should I zone in on healing touch, learn Reiki, focus on chakra’s, engross myself in energy work or just pay attention to intuition…... oye vey, my head spins. I am in such a place of surrender though that however the chips fall I tend to accept with more fluidity than I have ever before. The Native American program got cancelled that I was planning on doing next week and I wasn’t able to sign up for the other energy work program I was thinking of so I did my human emotion thing in being disappointed and then I let it fly away like a kite without a person holding it down and just let it be. So I've actively been searching with my mind and my heart to see what answers me and actually now that I think about it, there are some obvious directions to go in. If I sit quietly and tune into where the magnet of my heart goes, I do recognize a clear signal. Calling me in way that doesn’t involve my mind, I had no choice in wanting to do yoga dance; it grabbed me in the darkness of night like a kidnapping. It pulls me and I love it. The dancing isn’t a choreographed casual two-step; it’s a journey for healing the body, emotions, the chakra’s and releasing toxic stuff as well as dancing your story with your body. It’s such a state of vulnerability. Within the first ten minutes, my eyes close and I don’t even think, I just do. There’s also a whole body of research on movement as a therapeutic modality; I feel the powers……. I suppose the discovery and the finding that I am searching for is indeed occurring. It rarely happens as we expect though.

Someone in my new office shared this quote with me this week; it’s relevant to my experience:
“Love is patient and everything else is impatient. If there is no patience, there is no love. Passion is impatient, love is patient. And once you understand that to be patient is to be loving, and to be patient is to be in prayer, then everything is understood. One has to wait, and one has to learn how to wait. There are things that cannot be done; they only happen. There are things that can be done, but those things belong to the world. Things which cannot be done belong to God, or belong to the other world, or howsoever you name it. But things that cannot be done - only they are the real things. They always happen to you; you become a receiving end - and that is the meaning of surrender.” Osho


In the searching I think it’s important to put out the asking. If you don’t ask then how can you expect to find? So everyday I set an intention of being as open as I can….. truly, everyday I ask through prayer and by journaling and send it out into the universe like a message in a bottle. I’ve often asserted that my clothes and their colors represented what I need or what supports me so I wondered if there was any correlation with that and my aura. Those who know me know that I wear red shoes, a purple shirt or a yellow scarf depending on my vibe. If you don’t know, an aura is the energetic field that surrounds the body. The bigger, the higher the vibration is and the different colors have specific meanings. Today I randomly decided to get an aura picture (they have them at Kripalu). Coincidentally (if you believe in coincidences that is), I wore a yellow shirt today. See the picture above of my aura. They do a consultation with you after and the lady told me my vibration is so large it covers my whole body and you can barely see me in the picture. She said the tiny bit of green at the bottom represented the love that comes from my core which grounds me and determines my actions. Yellow is supposed to represent mental awakening, confidence, clarity and openness. The little bit of orange in there is social connection, creativity, joy and altruism. Apparently, most people have different colors around their heads which represent past, present, future but I was almost all yellow, meaning what I receive, what I give out, what I’m living in and what lies in my future are all congruent. I like that. Congruency is good. It’s about time.

In search of not missing out on anything I attempt to notice things, especially when the week is winding down because I begin to reflect on what I learned and what was beautiful in order to retell for the blog. So the blog has been a nice way to stay connected to purpose and intention. I appreciate everyone reading it. FYI, due to recent requests from friends for more pictures of me and less pictures of bear poop (Belinda), I’ve decided to include a picture a week of me in a yoga pose from now on. This week is “the dancer”….so relevant. Also, a shout-out for Broward House is in order. I intentionally wore my Broward House shirt this week to show my love to all the staff and compassionate souls inspiring hope and all the inherently beautiful and courageous clients making change happen everyday. I send endless vibrations of love that ripple out to you all.

Something inspiring: One of the kayak guides cancelled late last minute for the evening kayak trip this week and since my new job involves all guest workshop activities and duties my boss asked me if I wanted to go on a sunset kayak trip as a sweep. (I just kayak after the last person). Since I’m CPR certified from Broward House (thanks admin.) I am eligible to go. It was 65, overcast, foggy and drizzling. I never imagined how beautiful it could be. The lake swallows you. It was still, silence was broken only by birds, the forest spilled over into the water, not a single soul was on the lake but us and the rain fell on me lightly like a gentle meditation. Each stroke felt like a move in a better direction. It was intentional and smooth; a blessing indeed.

Something cool: I taught Salsa to the volunteers this week on “the flow” (my name is on the schedule to do it again) and I also led a past life meditation using Brian Weiss’s tapes and 25 volunteers came. I did an intention setting before and a process-type group after. I received great feedback from people so I will do it every other Tuesday night. I’m also excited to take the “Past Life Transformation” program with Rob when he comes to visit me in July. We will spend a long weekend delving into spiritual realms together. Yay!

Something interesting: The beautiful Asian women both on the summer catalog and on the website for Kripalu is one of my favorite yoga dance teachers here. I attend her classes almost weekly. On www.kripalu.org she is the face smiling at you; her name is Jovina. I feel very cool because she knows my name and says hi to me when I pass her in the hallway. I wonder if I have the courage to ask her to autograph the catalog?……

Thank you for supporting me and sending me loving emails, voicemails and cards. I will continue my search and be delighted in the surrender of the finding. May you do so as well………and so it shall be.

Endless sun, Jai Bhagwan