I don't like scrambled eggs...

The weight of a visit from Rob has created a heavy mood of missing home. It’s like I’ve been tossed in the ocean and told I have to swim to the shore again. I know I can do it and I’ve done it before but I don’t really want to. This time I will doggie-paddle in hopes that it’s less painful; a vigorous swim isn’t in the game plan. With Rob comes the energy of home. With the exit of Rob goes the energy of home back to its far away place without me. While I experience a steady stream of missing home, I suppose going two months without feeling the sharp ache in my heart isn’t so bad. I still don’t want the feeling though. The arriving and the leaving was yet another band aid being ripped off slowly similar to when I dropped my dog-children at camp the day I drove out of Fort Lauderdale for the Berkshires. I've said goodbye to compartmentalizing my sock drawer – Kripalu on the left, home on the right, all neatly stacked and color coordinated. The two worlds have collided like scrambled eggs with emotions sprinkled in from a careless cook with a heavy hand for pepper. To be honest, I’ve never liked scrambled eggs anyway. I like organized, intentional, neat, pseudo eggs with clearly defined edges. It’s too bad life experiences/lessons aren’t neat eggs.

Besides the eggs, the rest of the food on the plate tasted great. The weekend was fantastic. I enjoyed and soaked up home energy as much as I could. Rob and I enjoyed long dinners off site, did yoga together on site and contemplated past life lessons in the workshop we took together. We walked down to the creek, the lake, and up Housatonic Street in Lenox window shopping. The perfect patch of grass in the forest for a camel pose was successfully discovered and a sense of time was lost. In spiritual news: To no avail I attempted to rationalize a way someone could expedite karma. Rob learned that he sky-dived in a past life. I learned I do have a soul purpose of healing and that indeed I was once a Cheyenne chief. Out of a possible 10 in soul ages, Rob is a 10 and I am a 9, it’s a bummer I’m not retiring yet. Are they sure I can’t pack karma on a fast train? In culinary news: We ate great pizza and ice cream (twice each in 5 days), learned that dill biscuits are made with magic, and savored silky iced coffee during a late brunch. The connection and reconnection was paramount for us. I got to wear my blue dress with pockets out to a fancy dinner, took pictures of owl sightings and posed with a statue. It’s nice to sniff, hug and hold hands with the one you love. In retrospect, even though the visit scrambled my eggs and sock drawer, it was worth it. I continue to feel the value of experiences like a brick on my chest and I just let out the tears when they want to visit me too. I find it’s much better to do so rather than allowing them to hibernate in me. I feel the worth, intensity and power of my relationship running in my veins…and simultaneously the gratitude meter rises again. Did I mention I’m past the halfway point here?

I miss…. my heavy white down comforter, my walk-in closet, a bathtub, a view of the ocean, palm trees, seeing clients, a kiss in the morning, the sand in my toes, cooking, Jetson’s butt, Zephy’s begging, Teavana, air-conditioning, high-heels, bad late night TV, board games, familiar faces and Publix.

Good news is instead of wallowing over the above I employed my newly formed good habits. I spent the afternoon journaling, channeling, meditating and doing yoga to center myself. I actually spent 3 hours just meditating in yoga postures. I laid on the grass in the sun and looked over the mountains and lake, it’s still as beautiful as ever. The only difference I noticed this week looking at the same view is that I also remember that home is just as beautiful. So now I’m sifting through my sock drawer attempting to reorganize my compartments so I can truly allow myself to finish the work I’ve started here, and I will. I'm going on record that no midnight escapes while dressed in black have been planned. I’m swimming a little faster now, can’t you tell?

It’s a good thing….I know how to center myself, yoga dance releases pent-up energy, I have a great husband, I can communicate openly and honestly, intuition is still on the rise, vulnerability is easy for me, that I feel love from other planes, meditation is a regular occurrence, and that strawberry licorice solves most problems in life.

The journey continues folks, I am along for the full ride.

Om Shanti,
Jai,